That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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