you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
