I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
