; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
what day is it and did you see me today?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
