yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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