Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
