I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
