pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
