I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
