Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize