Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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