I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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