u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
