ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Blood and glitter go together right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just crazy horny about you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
