she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
accomplished twins. life is a go
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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