I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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