i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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