At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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