We got so high we made milksteak
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
