She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You ruined the universe
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize