i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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