so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
