my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just cropdusted the office
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
