What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
