I accidentally had phone sex last night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They took my balls.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
