That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
