I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize