Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
