big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize