It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
