AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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