I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
