woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
