I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
