Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
