my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
