hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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