i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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