It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
