Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
