He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
