Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
