My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
