R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize