I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
