pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
