eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
