I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
