the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
