She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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