so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
