Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
