Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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