my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
