who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
