Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
