Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
