my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
