Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
