i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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