He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
