so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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