Me. At least after what I've been through.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize