what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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