No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
