genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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