My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
