my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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