there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
