Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
