we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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