I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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