i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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