Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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