Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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